Missing II

I said it before, but the feeling came back.

I thought to myself, this is the last time I am ever going to sit for examinations in Malaysia hopefully, and by then, what would I be(come)?

I am so delighted to go to the country I had been longing for to further my studies, but what will happen to my past?

I feel very grateful that this chance came to me without realising that I was not putting much effort to it, but should life go on, without realising it, again?

I believe that God had this for me, and I am to thank Him and represent my gratitude by completing it, but does that mean I would change?

You see, when it comes to things I think of at the silence of time, I usually got into sentimental-denial sentiments where I would wonder all the plausible future ahead and the reasonable pasts. For two years I had been living with people of my age, in the same house and building, how much have I grown to groom myself? How far had I changed from the school uniform into daily free-fashion lectures? The so many questions came about with a lot to ponder, and a slight feeling of remorse, motivation and mostly, encouragement.

To settle things into its simplified form, I, right now, as the time I am typing this, ignored all the notifications on Facebook, and whispered; 'What's next?'

As I moved out from school, I felt the different excitement as I got into a college. It was so much fun in school, that roller-coaster ride was rather superficially explained. I actually had distant myself from the some friends (who I treasure the moments, and regret the segregation in my senior years) to focus on my studies. I had found what I wanted to do, just that I need more force to help me.

When I secured a prize for going to Tronoh at 5 in the morning and walking around a tremendous campus almost alone most of the time, I pondered. What if I had chosen UIAM instead? How would I enjoy it there? Or will I be a dork being fed with anti-depressant constantly? So I realise, Alhamdulillah, I really enjoyed myself in this strangely-coloured tiny college, KDU. I met wonderful people, time flew made me feel joyous of this choice. Or else, I will be stuck in UIAM without a slice of happiness in my soul.

School is a total different subject in this discourse. How I miss it? So much that I would be willing to bring down a building to get back into it. It was so much easier back then, can't help it with the drama though, but it is the long-lasting probable memories that you will inherit to your children. The stories of my life. Despite things, it would still be so great, and so reminisce-able. I am willing to go back the time, and be stuck into that social stage. How much school had helped me, to be what I am today. Not to self-praise, but rather, it made me cautious of myself from destructive manners.

Sooooooooo, after school, college, what next? University. I might not be together with the rest of my classmates, and it made a total new venture in the foreign land. As much as I hope that I will make it, I will so gladly accept the offers to get new friends. It is going to be a new change, yet again. I will somehow get close to someone else, and rarely go to school/college friends, and things will evolve from there. It is so sad, but despite holding back that you are still contacting your previous friends, you would not help it to get slightly less attached.

Thus, the current feelings. I am proud to say I had enjoyed the 19 years of living, and cannot wait for more. But when memories hit you right at the correct part of your sadness, you tend to know, that the past, would be sweetest memories, and cross your fingers, that may your friends still remember what's your favourites.

After all the years, I hope my absence and distance did not make just another guy on your Facebook list.

:')